Can I be Independent & Still Have a Healthy Marriage?

Culture teaches us that marriage and independence can co-exist, but is that actually true? Can two people really have a thriving marriage if they always make decisions based on what they want to do and not consider the other person's will?

"Their wives likewise must be dignified, not slanderers, but sober-minded, faithful in all things." 1 Timothy 3:11

We as wives play a critical role in our husbands' callings. To think we don't affect his reputation is foolish. Paul tells Timothy the qualifications for Deacons, but I can't help but note that his emphasis on wives behaviors also shows us that we as women have more authority in the church than we realize.

We often see ourselves as less than.

We think that submission = lower.

That men being the head = higher authority.

Feminism has brainwashed us to assume that marriage is a prison and we can't express our full independence if we're tied down to the family.

But family is how we gain authority.

Submission means to "yield one's will to another." It is a true sign of surrender - the ultimate definition of being a Christian.

"But Carley, won't I be limited by my husband's will if I do this?" It's easy to think this way, but what will you be limited from:

• Making your own decisions?

• Finding your own independence?

• Determining your own way of life?

If that's the case, then you probably shouldn't have gotten married.

Submission is not a sign of slavery but a source of strength. When we submit to God, we place ourselves under His authority, granting us access to His divine power over our own.

When we submit to our husbands, we allow favor and blessing to fall not just on our lives, but our husbands' and family's lives too.

Where we as women get hiccupped is that we forget that God also commands our husbands to live a sacrificial life like Christ did for us. This means that he too is laying down his will for our eternal benefit.

If both members of the marriage have self-serving mindsets, then yes, the one who submits might feel used, unloved, and not considered by the other person. But if both have sacrificial mindsets, then submission appears to be a wonderful asset to strengthen the marriage.

In my almost 4 years of being married, I have learned this the hard way. My flesh doesn't always want to consider Briston's side. Compromise doesn't always make me happy. Sometimes I want to do things my way, but in the times I've been selfish, I've realized the harm it's done to my family. I'm the only one benefiting - what's the fun in that?

"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." James 4:6

Even if your husband doesn't submit himself to God and sacrifice for you, you still are called to submit to him.

"What?!"

I know. But something that has helped me is praying to God rather than nagging my husband about how he's not being x,y,z. And can I tell you, it's worked.

I remember the day Briston came to me, apologizing for things he did that were selfish and hurt me. He mentioned the verse above and said that he honestly hadn't felt God's presence until he humbled himself and repented for the things he said/did. I was in awe because I had never vocalized those things to him. But I did cry out to God about them.

And God answered.

I've seen a real change in both of us since then. We are more considerate of one another and it's been a game-changer in our marriage. Our intimacy, interactions, and conversations have been richer.

And that my friends is why submission is a beautiful thing - because it actually brings you closer to your husband (and God) and creates a deeper, more intimate marriage.