Why Control for a Woman is a Strong Temptation

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

Women have two needs: security and safety. We want to feel secure in our bodies, image, status, reputation, and in our emotions and finances.

We also desire safety. Safety where we live, in our decisions, and among people.

It's no wonder women are less likely to be risk-takers than men. We like safe choices because safe choices = a secure future.

But with these needs come a great temptation to control.

Control might be the hardest trait women struggle with - because it gives us a sense of security and safety. By being in control, we think we have the power to produce the outcome we want. And most likely, that outcome stems from our need for security and safety.

Take our children and husband, for instance. It would be "easier" to control their decisions (what they do, the hobbies they partake in, the friends they choose, etc.). If we control their decisions, we are less likely to get hurt or feel the blow when mistakes or poor choices happen.

Control gives us a false sense of safety.

Two great examples:

1. Your child is getting ready to go to college. You don't want them to go far away, so you set a 2-hour radius around the city you live in, telling them they can choose a school within that limit.

   1. The 2-hour limit feels safe because your child is within reach.

   2. You also feel more secure in letting them leave for college.

   3. What's the big deal? Aren't you just being a protective mom? But what you fail to realize is that in your control, you limit the opportunity for them to obey and follow God. Your child is now subject to your will (the 2-hour radius) rather than opening their hearts and minds to what God might want them to do.

2. Your husband is offered a promotion but must move halfway across the country. You are proud of him, but moving away feels uncomfortable. Besides, you won't know a soul and will be farther away from family and friends. You'll also have to find another job, and your children will be enrolled in a new school. With all the uncertainties that come with moving, you convince your husband not take the promotion, stating that it's better for your family to stay rather than pursue the financial benefits.

   1. Staying feels safer because you already know life here, are comfortable, and in a routine. Why mess that up?

   2. You also feel a sense of security in your community, job, and kids' school because of the people you know. Moving would only interfere with that.

   3. What's the big deal about staying? Aren't you choosing your family over the job? But in choosing comfort over uncertainty, you fail to realize the possibilities that might come with the move. You choose comfort over trusting God and His will - limiting your ability to experience His faithfulness and provision over your life.

Comfort will also rear its head when faced with decisions. You can either choose comfort, which leads to taking control of the situation yourself, or choose faith, which leads to trusting God with your life, circumstances, and people.

Trusting in God is the key antidote to releasing control. When we trust in God, we give Him the power to control our lives - not ourselves.

Many women in the Bible are faced with this choice: Control the narrative or trust in the Lord.

• Eve convinced Adam to take of the fruit that caused them to die spiritually, thinking it would provide the knowledge and understanding they needed to know good and evil.

• Sarai told Abraham to sleep with her servant so he could have a son since she was barren.

• Jezebel killed people, stole, and manipulated situations to keep her husband in authority.

• Martha wanted Mary to help her with hosting because she saw it as a greater need.

All these women probably had good intentions. Yet, God shows us that their control pushed them away from Him.

Again, control gives us a false sense of security and safety.

Our society has painted the picture that control leads to victory, happiness, and security. Just look at the feminist movement:

• My body, my choice - or it is better to control whether or not I want to be a mom because of the financial, logistical, and career burdens children create.

• Boss babe - Climb the career ladder because that will give you the confidence and security you're looking for

• Manifestation - speak into existence the life you want

Do you see the issue here? Control always points back to self. I'm in control. I determine the outcome. It's all up to me.

Where is the humility? Where is the surrender? Where is the "trusting in the Lord with all your heart?"

If we really want to live a life surrendered to Christ and follow His will, it starts by surrendering control and putting our trust in Him.

We as women will never be confident, satisfied, or happy if we don't first recognize that our submission to God = security and safety, not our ability to control narratives.